South Coast Idol
I'd decided to sing Elvis Costello's "Couldn't You Keep That To Yourself?" but instead, I'd been practicing Alice Cooper's "No Man's Land". I know that was stupid, but I thought I'd got the Elvis down pat (which in point of fact, I had).
South Coast Idol auditions singers in groups of five, so the five of you go in together, each take a turn in front of the Judges then go out together. Unfortunately, I was the first of our five and stood on the X.
"What are you going to sing for us"? said the judge.
"I'm going to sing 'Couldn't You Keep That To Yourself?' by Elvis Costello".
The head judge nodded, but I could feel "I got a job in Atlanta..." on my tongue instead of "The tiny slip of midnight".
"Well I will in a minute", I said
"Breathe", she said.
Then there was a longish pause as I tried to shift to the right song...
"The 'Tiny Slip' at Midnight
The little sip at Noon
You're tied and torn
My penitent buffoon.
"Wouldn't you think I'd know by now?
I shouldn't have entertained it
Couldn't you keep that to yourself?
"You cry for my forgiveness..."
And then there was Ebony, singing an R&B song I didn't recognise, Nicola singing "Cry Me A River" (appallingly badly), Marsha singing a soul song that again I didn't recognise and David, singing "Omaha" by Counting Crows. For about five seconds, I thought I had a chance against the competition, but it was not to be. None of us got through.
With hindsight, I recognise that I was 10-15 years older than the oldest of my competition, and long hair, grey beard and beer belly didn't help much. (I was also a good foot taller than everybody in the queue apart from David). Perhaps if I'd started exercising in December when I applied, and if I'd shaved my face and gotten a crewcut the day before, I might have looked younger (I do look about 15 years younger when I shave) and maybe got through.
I wasn't really disappointed to not get through but the problem is, I was using this as a way to stave off the depression into which I was (and am) falling, so now I have to find another distraction.