I don't know if anyone's noticed but the standard criticism of violent men, whether they're alcoholics, roadragers or however their violence is expressed, somebody always says that it's because this man "has a low tolerance for frustration".
I've been thinking about this lately and wondering, why violence should be the reaction to frustration. I mean, for crying out loud, what's wrong with tears? What's wrong with running and running until exhaustion? Why do they have to use their wives as punchbags? They give men a bad name.
Now, I know I've mentioned elsewhere that I've no problem with rough sex (shall we say) provided it's safe, sane and consensual. The thing is though, if you're taking your frustrations out on your partner, it ISN'T.
It isn't safe because frustration causes depression at least temporarily and with it, a lack of judgement. A depressed "top" is a dangerous one. It isn't sane for the same reason it isn't safe. And consensual? I don't say it's impossible but for the most part, I don't think so because whatever your partner may have consented to, it was with the more rational you.
So... what IS a good way to deal with frustration. I've found nothing that helps so far but would be happy to see suggestions.